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Entry #200: Sarcasm
Patience has taken its leave of me: I'm sick and fucking tired of these secular extremists ruining all my Christmas fun. There is a war on Christmas. A war! John Gibson is right. The rights of God-fearing, nativity-loving, Jesus-abusing Christians everywhere are being put under the steamroller of the extreme left -- a batallion of ingrates comprised of pseudo-intellectuals who rationalize their cowardice in Iraq by claiming they want to save lives, of bleeding heart babyfaces who want to create some sort of opt-in nationalized health care plan with inexpensive care for all Americans, of foul-mouthed race mixers who listen to rap and think free speech should extend to everyone.
The nerve!
While they're busy trying to use fancy technical terms like E. Coli and natural selection to distract us from the scientific truths God has given us through intelligent design, Christmas has come under enemy fire from all angles. Some people who have Jews, Muslims, and atheists living in their communities have the gall to incinuate that public land shouldn't be used for good, white, Christian fun. They dare assert that school gyms shouldn't be used to make our indoctrinated kids sing the word of Jesus, that city hall shouldn't fund and display a living nativity scene in the lobby (complete with live animals), that the local civic center shouldn't have that giant 25-foot light up cross on its lawn.
The nerve!
But the good guys are striking back. Those who are so brazen as to attempt to outflank God's word will be punished. He who tramples on the Lord's good name and teaches blasphemous ideas like "The earth is more than a few thousand years old" should be beaten. And so should those idol worshippers who think that Santa Claus is some sort of children's icon instead of the satanic symbol he really is known to be among followers of The Truth.
The nerve!
But this holiday season, I'll be sitting in the trenches outside with my trusty firearm, sporting my orange hunting cap and matching WWJD bracelet, awaiting anyone with "Merry Xmas" t-shirts. After all, the age-old tradition of replacing the letters "Christ" with the Greek letter chi, which symbolizes Christ in that language, is downright offensive. The fact that modern people would dare to replicate something done by monks in the 16th century really -- and pardon my offensive, unholy language -- gripes my ass. And after I put a hole in their heads with my Smith & Wesson, I'm going inside to pray loudly enough that my neighbors can hear. And I will pray for the sinners in California, namely those liberal indoctrinators who dare to set educational standards for their University. If I believe that a giant donkey shit the Earth out into the center of the universe (where it still exists to this day) and teach my lovely boy that information, who is the California system of higher education to tell my boy he's unqualified to attend those schools full of their bullshit electron microwhatever and their crazy "I think, therefore I something?"
The nerve!
There's a War on Christmas, friends. In this nation where 85% of us are Christians; where the Jerry Falwell's organization has more money than most countries; where practically every house on the block celebrates Christmas; where religious Americans turned out in record numbers to re-elect a President who is against gay marriage to the tune of a Constitutional ammendment and for intelligent design in schools, we are at WAR. Christians are oppressed in this country. The armies of Christ don't yet have 100% control over every single politician, nor do they have prayer in public schools where they can shine the light of Jesus on the agnostic sinners of the world.
Let us pray.
COMMENTS:
Look you are apparently angry and I am sorry about that. I was actually pissed about this a couple weeks ago and was going to post something on my site but decided against it because, well, I do sports for a reason... politics and such get me fired up like you and I just got fed up of feeling that way! However, my post was going to be from the opposite side of your point of view, and let me explain.
First what I was going to say something along the lines of the following... for those of you out there in the world that have no religious affiliation whatsoever of those that have an affiliation with a religion other than Christianity I have no problem with you. Your beliefs are your beliefs and I am not going to force you to change. However, my issue is with the people out there who have no belief or a different belief that are trying to force me to alter mine. The point of Christmas has never been Santa Claus, it hasn't been, he is just some BS fat bastard that was created to explain why we give gifts on this day. If I want to put up a nativity scene in my yard, in my place of business, in my city hall, etc... celebrating the real meaning of Christmas FUCK YOU... I am going to do it. I do not come to your house during Hanakah (spelling) and make you take down your candles, I do not come to your house during Ramadan (spelling) and force you to eat during daylight hours. I give you the right to celebrate your religious holiday festivals the way you have done for generations. So why is that suddenly I am suppose to alter mine? Because you are something different? Piss off mother fucker!
Furthermore, there are places that decorate for Christmas, like federal buildings and such, that put up the Jewish Candles, the symbols for Islam, but what do they have for their Christmas display? Snowflakes and other "winter scene" type decorations. Why is it okay to decorate federal buildings in that manner, pointing out the other religions but sperning mine? It is ridiculous.
Like I said, please do not take this the wrong way, I know you have said before that you are an atheist and that is cool. I also want to make it clear that to all those out there that are atheists or who are affiliated with other religions I have no problem with how you celebrate or do not celebrate. The ones that piss me off are the ones who are "offended" by what has been done for generation upon generation when it comes to Christmas and are forcing me to conform to a way as to not insult or offend them. Well, all I have to say is I do not force you to look, to celebrate or to believe so do not force me to change my beliefs to conform to you.
END PART ONE...
BEGIN PART TWO...
Lastly I would like to say to all those out there who are the ones that make me angry (those forcing me to change) that I would like to let you know that you can only come to the company Christmas party after your shift ends and not early like the rest. I would also like to let you know that for you it will be a cash bar and not on my tab. Also I expect you to be in the office on Christmas Eve and Day and you will not get time and a half for it. Also, that "Christmas Bonus" will not be received this year, it will go to other people in the company. Oh, and why we are on it, lets talk about time off for Easter as well...
There are a lot of people out there trying to force me to change but those same mother fuckers have no problem reaping the benefits of this Christmas season! Look, if there was no Christmas in the first place then there would be no "holiday season" either if that's what you want to call it. Don't make me change and I won't make you change. Don't force your shit on me and I won't force my shit on you. How long has Christmas been Christmas? A lot longer than I can go back so why should I be forced into something different now? I shouldn't be so don't even try it.
Again, I would like to close by saying this statement again... I have no problem with people who are from other religions or those who are from no religion at all. My problem is only with those people that I mentioned there WHEN THEY WANT ME TO FUCKING CHANGE FOR THEM!!!!
I'm not going to say TOO much since I have another holiday post in mind about what the real "holiday season" is to me and why it's so successful both in a historical and modern context.
I will say this though: I too have no problem with nativity scenes on your lawn. Do whatever you want on YOUR lawn. And any true liberal, including the entire ACLU, would agree with that, I suspect. While there are towns that have tried to be really politically correct and have people remove their personal decorations, I think that's stepping WAY over the line. If people want lights, let them have lights. If people want nativity scenes, let them have those. If people want giant humping pigs, let them have those for all I care.
But why a federal building should be showing any decorations beyond seasonal things is beyond me. And my real point was that despite the fact that lots of people like me are asking those things to be tempered, the notion that there's an actual WAR ON CHRISTMAS is ridiculous. How can there be a war on the most widely anticipated holiday of the year for most Americans? That's total crap. It's pandering to people's fears that somehow people like me are trying to take Christmas away like some sort of secular Grinch. It's just not true. But there it is -- there's a book by John Gibson, Rush Limbaugh's talking about it, O'Reilly's talking about it, etc.
It's the concept that someone's actively trying to screw with the holiday and make sure no one can celebrate it that's insane.
I'll be interested to see what you have to say when I finally do my next holiday post...
Posted by: Evan on Dec 13, 05 | 11:52 am
I guess I will have to eagerly await that next holiday post then. At least you will let me keep up my Christmas lights and such.
My point is if federal buildings cover all the basics when they decorate to be "PC" and put up things based upon other religions, why leave out the nativity scene or something like that when it comes to Christams. The thing that pisses me off is that Christmas is not Santa, it is not Frosty, it is not Sponge Bob Square Pants with a Santa hat on, it is first and foremost a celebration of Christianity. So by saying that it is okay for places to decorate for Christmas, but do so as to not offend, that god damn it all those other decorations for other religious holidays better fucking come down too! That is what pisses me off, it really does.
I will not go as far to say there is a war over it, unfortunately we all know that the term "WAR" is thrown around more than a stripper at a bachelor party, but it is still disturbing to me to see people basically trying to take the Christams out of this season and just turn it into a generic holiday season because of the billions of dollars that businesses make off of it. Like I said, there never would have even been a reason for any of it during this time of year if there never was a christmas in the first place and I just find it very hypocritical.
Hey, and by the way, thanks for letting me keep up my fucking pigs, that means a lot to the wife and kids!
I can sympathize with your ire and normally enjoy your sarcasm, but I seriously think you're missing the mark on the issues here.
Bottom line is this: Christmas is the dominant winter holiday in the United States, and culturally, it is now more of a secular holiday than a religious one, regardless of how anyone feels things "should" be. The process of that secularization is no different than what the Catholics did in the 4th century, when they adapted the rituals associated with the birthday of the Persian god Mithras and the winter solstice celebration of Saturn, and incorporated them all into Christianity to create the original Catholic Christmas holiday. I know that you know this.
Obviously, the Christian extreme rightist's response to a perceived "threat" to Christmas is about as silly as silly gets. *However*, the perception of a threat by people of other religions because Christmas happens to be the culturally dominant holiday is also equally silly. The very idea that "Merry Christmas" is a potentially offensive thing to say to people is ludicrous, completely ignorant of the spirit in which such a phrase is usually intended. It's like me telling you to not ask me what I thought of the football game last night, because football is offensive and I don't recognize it as a worthy sport. You should respect my potential dislike of football when you talk to me, you rude bastard.
Obviously, there's another side to that. If I say "Merry Christmas" to someone, and they politely tell me "thanks, but I'm Jewish," I'll back the fuck up and apologize. That's just civil conduct. Dude shouldn't fuckin' take it as a dig. The expectation that everyone should have to watch what they say and do beyond the boundaries of simple politeness - when it becomes an issue of politics - it's an error on all sides. The extreme left *does* fuel that fire, too, collecting interest groups on its side to aid a political agenda. They agree that there's a war on Christmas implicitly - by baiting the other side, by fighting. Why? Because that voice reaches constituents.
If there's a war over Christmas, everyone's firing shots here. This especially applies to the hanging of "Christmas" decorations in public places, like work spaces and the like. It's a total red herring, containing only peripheral relevance. Frankly, so much of what we call Christmas decorations now have absolutely no religious context. There *is* a cultural, secular arena in which those things exist, which renders the actual religious side of it inconsequential. I'm not trampling on your (proverbial you, of course) rights because I put up a damn Christmas tree on my office's front lawn. You're the one taking it personally.
Evan, you're blessed with a vast sense of historical context about religious issues. I'm guessing your second holiday post will be the valuable one - this first amounts to little more than a brain fart, and there's a degree to which I think it's a little intellectually irresponsible considering the powers of reason you usually display, even when you're being funny.
Of course, that's your prerogative, it being your blog and all. I just felt obliged to throw you a little bit of that ire back - wouldn't want it to go unchecked. :)
Posted by: Landon Darkwood on Dec 17, 05 | 3:25 am
Ah, Landon... I can see some of your points. But I think you're off your rocker. :-)
Do I *really* care if some secretary in a federal building has a Santa Claus poster in her office or if she puts lights around the reception desk? Of course not.
And do I care if someone says "Merry Christmas" to me? Not really.
And do I care if people put up their own personal religious displays? Nooooo.
But I do NOT appreciate the attitude that it should be expected that Merry Christmas is some sort of default greeting for everyone. I don't think people shouldn't say it. But if they CHOOSE to say Happy Holidays and incorporate folks celebrating other things, that's not a problem. And I'm not MAKING them do it, so I think the term "war on Christmas" is a little absurd. Insulting, actually, considering how poorly many non-Christians (or just non-conformists in general) are treated in this country.
I also disagree that the process of secularizing Christmas is the same as the integration of pagan rituals into Christian lives to help recruit new members into Christianity.
THAT was a very intentional effort, which included a sanction from the Pope.
The forces that have helped to secularize Christmas are really more corporate in nature. People have themselves to blame. My Christian neighbors with their giant Winnie the Pooh inflatable dolls, the people at Coca Cola who basically created the modern Santa Claus and the folks who bought into it, etc.
It's not some leftist plot. It was the free market pressures -- where everything from Christmas to weddings can be bastardized (and has been) -- that did it.
Now these days, with it having become such a big thing, yeah, there are people who are outside the traditional realm of Christmas who are going to latch onto the holiday or who are going to claim part of it as their own. And you know, people are just going to have to deal with that.
But the idea that there's some sort of war ON Christmas is absolutely absurd. If there was ever a war on it, it was launched by the general ignorance of people themselves who allowed it to happen to them over the 50 decades from the 50s to when it really started to get bad in the 80s.
Posted by: Evan on Dec 17, 05 | 10:27 am
Did I not start out by saying the phrase itself was silly? My bad.
And I'm with you on the issue of choice - if you want to go out of your way to do that, more power to you. My issue comes in when employers (especially government employers) enact policies to force employees to say "Happy Holidays" and so on, make it an issue of corporate/political policy as opposed to an issue of free expression. People have enough problems with a misguided sense of entitlement in this country. We don't need this shit.
And the "let's can free speech to keep people from being offended" idea is something that often comes from the political left - I hesitate to call them "liberals," actually, because what's being pushed by the extreme left right now is nothing that resembles actual liberalism, something I also know that you know. :)
As for secularizing Christmas, I think that the core of both movements, present and past, was essentially an economic one. It's much harder to separate political power from economic power in the past than it is in the present. Even back then, religion was kind of a smokescreen - the Holy Roman Empire had "unruly" pagans with nice, fat sheep that they wanted control of. And if you don't think the attempts to commercialize Christmas (or anything else) was/is entirely intentional on the part of the media entities and corporations that contributed to it... I'm not sure what to tell you. :)
There are plenty of Christians who still get treated badly in this country, also, despite it being the dominant religion. The religious right "power bloc" is not representative of street-level Christianity at all. I'm not really willing to get into the whole "I get treated worse than you" thing when we're talking about people on such a general level.
Ultimately, I posted because I think you're taking easy potshots at easy targets. Of course, Christian extremists are crazy. It's in the name: extremist. There are extremists on the other side, too, though. It's just as dumb to be fervently "anti-Christmas" as it is to be waging the "war on Christmas". The ACLU and ADL are being just as dumb, or nearly so, as the Catholic League. You could say it's just reaction, but that doesn't keep it from being dumb. In a country rabidly devoted to protecting the rights of a group like the KKK to march in public, we really need to recognize how innocuous this stuff actually is. *That's* what I'm trying to say.
Posted by: Landon Darkwood on Dec 17, 05 | 4:41 pm
Well, yes. It's pretty dumb.
And forcing anyone to say anything is stupid. EXCEPT when it's not coming from a person. So for example, if Jane and Joe both work for Company X and are talking to each other, they should be able to say what they plase. If it's corporate policy to make them say, "Happy Holidays," just like they might make them give a standard phone greeing... well, then that's something different. I don't particularly LIKE that either...people should be able to say what they want and be who they are. But that's the way we roll here in the US when it comes to employment and employers.
Posted by: Evan on Dec 19, 05 | 10:45 am
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